Autism, Pregnancy Loss, and Grief

For those who know me, I appear stoic and don’t usually express emotions outwardly (which I can now attribute to alexithymia). My internal experience, however, is completely different, as I am highly empathetic and feel deeply. I became curious to understand how my response to my stillbirth could be viewed through an autism lens.

From the time that I found out Norbert’s heart had stopped beating and through the birthing process, I became suddenly overwhelmed and unable to process anything. This sensory processing failure led to shutdown. I was in shock, numb, and dissociated. I did not cry. I also judged myself because I did not grieve in the “expected” way.

It’s important for us to understand that the appearance and needs of Autistic people differ from the typical grieving person.

In a split second, I experienced the loss of my assumptive world. I needed facts, information, a plan, guidance (from providers), which I did not receive. With this tremendous uncertainty, my fear and anxiety skyrocketed. With Return to Zero: HOPE, I created what was missing in my own life experiences surrounding the stillbirth of my son in order to help other people navigating this experience.